Us vs Them

From a very young age, we are socialized in various ways. This is generally not intentional, and is not something that will change because it is the primary way that we learn. Often we are socialized in various negative ways as well as the positive. The negative socialization is not really intentional, and is often a residual effect that is in many ways a reflection of the society we are brought up in. One problematic way that seems to be common in this socialization is an us vs them mentality.

It’s me vs the world. Good vs evil. The ethnicity I’m in vs. a different (or all different) ethnicities. My gender vs not my gender. My nation vs another nation or group of nations. People my age vs people who are older/younger. People with my preference (in clothing, sexuality, religion, moral code, interests) vs people who prefer other things. People with my beliefs vs people with other beliefs.

Apart from the obvious problems with each of those us v them mentalities, there are several other problems. The most prevalent/ worrisome trait of this mentality is the dehumanizing of the other side. In many cases, it is hard enough for many people to remember that other people that they see as on their side are people in the same sense that they themselves are people. This can be seen in cases where someone gets bitter because of the actions of another without thinking about what their reasons for doing it are. I’m not talking about the really bad or obvious wrongs in this case, but things like not calling on your birthday, relying on another person to pay for food when they go out on a regular basis, or just not visiting for a long period of time. People, in general, often forget that other people’s lives are often just as complicated as their own. Even people who do remember that on a regular basis, often slip up and forget in the heat of the moment. I am guilty of this a lot more often than I would like to admit.

Now, having established how hard it is to remember this fact, let’s put it in the us vs them mentality. If it is so easy to forget that the people who are “on your side” are people, how much easier is it to forget that the person “on the other side”, who you don’t see or experience their life, is even a person. Think about how often you have heard a story on the news of someone who is subconsciously categorized as an “other” because your country is at war with them, or because they are on the other side of some moral debate, doing something you find negative and how easy it is to demonize them for something small. Now think about when you hear about something bad happening to someone who is categorized as “other”. How often do you justify it somehow in your mind? How often do you hear people justifying it? How often is this justification based entirely on their appearance or on some assumed quality they have because they are in this group of “other”?

Another damaging aspect of this mentality is what it does to you. It leaves you alone to face the challenges of life on your own. It impedes your willingness of asking for help, almost always especially when you need it most. This leads to a feeling of needing, not only to do things without help, or that if you need help you are somehow lesser, but also that you have to prove that you can. I have personally needed quite a bit of help to get where I am in life (pretty much to the point where I am almost self-sufficient… still not quite there yet though). Every time I have gotten help, asked for or not, I have felt guilty. I have worried that it is impossible for the people I want to be proud of me to in fact be proud of me. Often I feel like this guilt is the reason that I have to rely on others so much. This is because I feel like there are things I need to learn about it, including being able to easily and happily be there for others in the way I have always believed I should.

Getting back on track, having a me vs the world mentality is exceedingly stressful and lonely existence, and in an us vs them mentality, everyone is going to be in some way a them. It impedes connections that can be made between people. It impedes people supporting others who may be going through an issue that they could really help with. It is a dangerous mentality that everyone at some point seems to gain.

I think it is important to further explore where this mentality originates and why. I think it is important, especially in this age of globalization to do everything within our power to put a stop to it. This is important because with an us vs them mentality we will be in constant conflict with each other, and will not be able to help each other get through this life.

Activism: Changing the Heart vs Stopping the Hand

When it becomes obvious to a group of people that some part of the world or society needs changing there are generally two methods that are used: stopping the hand and changing the heart.

Stopping the hand is an immediate solution, but does not breed permanent change. It is the type of activism where they are literally stopping someone from doing something. Some examples of this would include breaking into a lab and taking away all of the animals to stop animal testing; burning down a building to defy something that happens there or that the building signifies, helping someone who is being abused get out of the situation and/or turning in someone who is abusing someone else or physically stopping them; and filming interactions with police officers to try to make sure they are not abusing the power that comes with their job. Stopping the hand is an immediate solution to an immediate problem. Many forms of this would be classified as illegal, though not all of them would be. Stopping the hand fights a specific action in a specific instance.

Changing the heart fights the desire or belief in a specific mindset. Examples of this would include protesting, raising awareness, sit ins and the like, and most effective (yet slowest for widespread change) meeting people on their level and saying or doing the right things to change the way they think or feel on a subject. This is rarely ever effective from one single interaction, though in some cases one interaction can be all it takes. There are people out there who are less open to new opinions that will rarely open their hearts to change. There are others who the exact opposite is true. All they need to do is become aware of a truth to change. When a cause is just, then truth and awareness of the truth is the most powerful of weapons.

For the maximum amount of good to be done, a combination of both types of activism is necessary. I would definitely suggest keeping your actions, whatever they are legal, and more importantly safe. It is important to use discernment when attempting to change the world. If you are too rash and do not think things through you could end up hurting someone unnecessarily, or even hurting your own cause.

It is also important to note that certain people are more suited for certain forms of action. Some people are better at stopping the hand, but have a hard time reaching the hearts of others. Some people are the opposite and are great at meeting people on their level and helping them understand, but not suited to actively stopping something currently going on. Some people have both strengths and weaknesses in both. It is important not to forget that even if someone is going about bringing change in a different way than you, that doesn’t mean that they are doing it wrong or that they are undermining the change in any way.

After reading this you might be wondering what activist type things I am into. I am against anything that promotes hate and for any movement that protects people from hate. I am for love. Because of this I am also of the mindset that any action taken to promote change should be done from and with love. It should be done with intelligence and should be careful about not hurting people, but rather breeding love and understanding in the world.